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The Human Flaw
As we surge forward into the vast unknown that is the future, cars are becoming increasingly more safe, secure and simple. Many may complain that the modern obsession with health and safety is beginning to dictate our lives, but it does mean that the universal driving experience can begin to improve in the knowledge that we can place trust in our motoring machines as we surge on down the road ahead. And if that wasn’t enough, the development of alternate fuels such as electricity, solar or even hydrogen power is making the world of driving more efficient and eco-friendly. There is however but one problem; one unstoppable force of nature that not even the most modern of cars can stop. What is this juggernaut? Well, what I really should be asking there is who, not what; the problem is not with the machinery, but with us.
Human beings are very much like computers, just a bit more squidgy and blood filled. I am sure we have all been in a position where we have been working away on a computer and suddenly we are confronted by either a frozen screen, blue screen of death or an unfathomable error message, all of which renders the computer almost totally useless. This sudden malfunction in the usual harmonic running is not only limited to the machine world. As humans we are often find our bodies malfunctioning on us for a reason that lacks both logic and sense. The worst of these of course is the spontaneous sick, where you are going about your daily life and suddenly you find yourself throwing up a little bit in your mouth. And of course one cannot forget the sneeze that sends your entire body into a spasm and you lose all sense of time, space and self for that split second. It would be oh so much easier if, like a computer, we were able to reboot our system to erase the system. Alas, we are stuck with these malfunctions for life.
…and yet we are allowed to drive cars? Crazy.
Imagine with me if you will your every day driving scenario. Let us say that you are on the way to visit your parents, and you find yourself driving along a motorway. As it always does, your journey is running smoothly and the traffic is light. Your personalised CD blares out as you belt out your favourite tunes. But then, out of nowhere it strikes you. The deadliest menace to the modern driver; the sneeze. Past experiences would tell you that there is nothing to worry about; a sneeze takes but a second. And yet the driving sneeze seems to shock you out of time and space itself. I could not tell you the amount of times I have sneezed and managed to have crossed into another lane. And then there was the time I sneezed, opened my eyes and found I had pulled off the motorway, parked at a service station and ordered myself a full steak dinner. Seriously, you have to watch those sneezes. Crazy things, those sneezes yo.
All this… caused by a sneeze!
One of the key pieces of road safety advice usually concerns the risks of driving when tired. ‘Dont drive tired, pull over and take a nap’ is usually the general idea. But we have all been there, that time when you really have to get somewhere and don’t really have those few hours to spare to be napping. There can only be one solution, throw caution to the wind and a mountain of coffee into your system. The epic caffeine rush will provide the alertness you need to push you on through to your final destination. There is only flaw in this otherwise perfect plan, which is a complete and catastrophic overestimation of your own bladder. Tiredness is no longer the issue but an absolute chronic urge to pee. But you have already wasted time stopping to buy a coffee at the service station, do you really want to waste more of your precious time pulling over to pee? Your stout ignorance of your own discomfort forces you to resist the urge until you reach your final destination.
We’ve all been there…
You may think you have conquered your bladder through a wealth experience and finding a comfortable position to not move from. But of course we all underestimate the power of the bump in the road; every bump targets your now bean-bag like bladder. Just to rub in your suffering, it is always the case that you have chosen the single bumpiest road every created by the hand of man in all history. Even driving over a single atomic particle feels like a direct punch to the bladder. That nap really is looking rather good now wouldn’t you say? Why do we do this to ourselves?
To paraphrase the great prophets Goldie Lookin Chain, “Cars don’t kill people, drivers do”. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the cars we are driving, they are but angelic creations of loveliness in comparison to the demonic insanity that is the human presence behind the wheel. It is safe to say that it is our spontaneous malfunctions that make us so special, but why we are allowed to drive I will never know.
But I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Keep Driving People!
Follow me on Twitter @lewisglynn69
Peace and Love!
End Of Financial Year Sales
It’s that time of year again, where manufacturers and their dealerships do their best to lure you into the office and sign on the dotted line, with that signature an offer to buy a new car. There’s always savings to be had, especially on vehicles about to be superseded such as the Nissan Dualis but beware, not all vehicles are easily available and think about service costs as well.
Before you go shopping at a dealership then come back to Private Fleet, set yourself a list of what you want versus what you need. When, in a previous life, I was a car salesman, I was at one dealership that sold four brands. We would have people come in and ask for a diesel, automatic, people mover and immediately head to a petrol, manual five seater SUV….why? Because it was close to $16000 cheaper, BUT it wasn’t what they asked for. At another dealership I had some potential clients, a family, shopping for a car for mum and dad. The car they were looking at was a small five door hatchback. No problem with that, the problem was that they were morbidly obese and restricted quite severely in their movements. The car they were eyeing off was unsafe and unsuitable. Another thing to think about is the distance you drive and considering most people use their car to drive to and from work, the question will be either petrol or diesel. Diesel certainly has a couple of immediate advantages, being a flat cost (not subject to the price cycle petrol inexplicably has) and economy. However, if you drive short to medium distances constantly, the diesel engine’s particulate filter isn’t brought up to the correct operating temperature and will end up clogged, potentially causing engine damage.
In the city or micro car class there’s a few cars to think about, such as the Mitsubishi Mirage, Suzuki Alto, Nissan Micra or Hyundai’s i20. These cars tend to have small engines, around the 1.2L capacity so can be quite frugal. However, as they’re intended to be used in urban areas, they’re generally not considered ideal for country runs. Another thing to look out for here is the transmission. The Australian obsession with automatics is generally brought up straight away, however most of these kind of cars tend to only come in manual as the torque output makes a traditional auto useless. The growth of CVTs (constant variable transmission) in this class is rising though, allowing more choice. Then there’s the type of fuel they run; the Alto is specified to run only on Premium, which at the peak of a price cycle can make the running costs considerable. For something like the Mirage, which is powered by a three cylinder engine, it comes standard with a five year warranty and requires a dealer service only once a year, saving on costs. And then, like any car, there’s the choice of paint. This is one of my personal bugbears; with so many cars offered in a broad range of colours and having virtually all of them in a metallic paint, it seems ridiculous to ask for an extra few hundred dollars.
When it comes to small cars there’s always plenty to choose from, with the Mazda3 competing against the Toyota Corolla, Kia Cerato, Hyundai i30, Holden Cruze, Toyota Yaris and more. This is where some savings can be found but not, in this case, with the Mazda and Toyota. Why? There relatively new and not readily available, therefore dealers aren’t prepared to negotiate as hard on these volume sellers. Holden’s Cruze is now into its Z Series mode, which hopefully indicates an update isn’t far off as it’s dating badly against better and more value packed opposition.
In the SUV class there’s a car for everyone; Mitsubishi’s Outlander is petrol or diesel or hybrid and comes in five and seven seater configurations. Holden’s aging Captiva is close to the same, with five and seven seats and either petrol or diesel, however the Captiva’s age counts against it. Nissan has the new X-Trail so there’s no doubt a few of the still brand new but superseded version around and Ford has the Kuga, Kia the Sportage (due to be updated soon) and the sister car, Hyundai’s ix35. Kia offers capped price servicing for five years but Hyundai currently offers just three.
In the mid sized category Holden’s Malibu has been struggling against cars such as the Toyota Camry. 
It’s not a bad drive but hasn’t inspired people to buy it nor is it as fuel efficient. But, as a result, dealers will be more eager to help you into one, as will Private Fleet. The next step up is the Commodore/Aurion/Falcon trio, still exceptionally good cars although the market has shifted towards SUVs. Holden’s decision to drop the pricing on the VF Commodore has helped move plenty of metal however the venerable Falcon should be a consideration as Ford would be willing to sell as many Falcons as possible, especially with the new and, sadly, final model, not far away now. For a bit of a sporting look and feel, the XR6 should be a serious consideration, especially with the automatic being available, if you twist the sales manager’s arm enough, for the same price as the slick shifting manual and there’s capped price servicing to consider.
For the tradies there’s the usual suspects to consider, with the locally made utes due to finish in the next couple of years there’s some good buys out there, plus, in the 4WD style, the Nissan Navara and Mitsubishi Triton are due to end their current model cycle very soon, so pricing on them will be sharp. Mitsubishi are doing driveaway pricing on the Triton and a cashback offer, in an effort to entice buyers back to the older chassis. Ford’s Ranger is a cracker and has suffered from a relative lack of supply, but now there’s benefits available for those looking at this Blue Oval ripper. With increased supply and sharper pricing from some competitors some fancy negotiation can help you save some dollars. There’s the Colorado/D-Max twins to consider as well but take them for a drive first and benchmark them against better on-roaders like the Amarok.
As always, Private Fleet is here to help you look for a new car and will do everything possible to get you the best price. 
That's My Girl: My Car and Me
Over time, I have started to notice that our complex cultural foundation consequentially provides us all with curious personality traits. one of the most fascinating is our ability to animate the inanimate. Most of the time its when something goes wrong of course. The classic example comes when you stub your toe on your coffee table, and yet you put all fault on the coffee table as if it got up and moved in the way of your toe. If it was the case that the coffee table had animated abilities, I can imagine it flinging its arms (well, legs) in the air and violently protesting at our inability to accept personal fault for anything we do wrong.
Whether it is blaming a wooden table for your clumsy toe stubbing, or having a ‘conversation’ with your pet (seriously, cats cannot understand you, nor can they speak English), we often enter into some form of emotional relationship with the world around us, whether it is living or not. There is no more prevalent example than that of the automobile. At the end of the day, the car is nothing more than a selection of raw materials, cleverly blended together and combined to create an internal combustion engine attached to a passenger compartment atop a foundation of wheels. Surely a car is nothing more than a means to an end? They take us exactly where we want to go; none of this public transport malarkey. And yet, it is not that simple. Over time, something has happened; an evolution has risen from the darkness right under our noses.
The car is no longer a vehicle. She’s a lady. She’s a friend. She’s a member of the family.
It was just the other day when this realisation reared its devastating head. My current lady has been with me since last September, since she was passed onto me by my dad after he moved onto a younger woman. Since our union, our relationship has blossomed with me growing accustomed to her ways. However, until the moment my world came coughing, spluttering and misfiring down around me, I had yet to realise the truth of the relationship.
This is M’Lady – a 2002 MG ZS, adorned in the beauty of floral surroundings
A day like any other; how could any other day take such a downward spiral? As I drove along, my usual smooth ride was replaced by misfiring, jerking and what appeared to be an engine that was on the way out. Having your engine cut out on you at 40mph is definitely a moment that sees an exponential rise in clenching. Luckily enough for me, I was able to drag her sorry self into a local car park and call the AA. No, that is not alcoholics anonymous, by the way. I was told that the problem was most likely one of an electrical nature, and repair would involve either replacing the spark plugs, the coil, or something much more expensive like the catalytic converter.
It was as I stepped back to see the AA man reaching into the heart of my car that I realised that she truly is just more than a car to me. It was like watching a surgeon performing open heart surgery upon someone I love very much. The hardest hit came slamming home when her engine still felt so rough; my little girl was fighting consciousness and it was painful to watch. It was finally decided that her ailment was too strong to be cured on site, so now I find myself playing the waiting game. My lady sits dormant until she can be seen and saved. Britain has the National Health Service, and considering what may have to be done to her, I wish there was a NHS for cars. But she deserves nothing but the best, and I will do all I can to bring her back to health.
You notice that throughout my narration of my woes, I referred to my car in the feminine. Ever since the evolution of the mechanical and engineering world, the creations of humanity have often been given a female personality. The most famous of these would be cars and ships. For women are a true force of nature, and they deserved to be respected as such through the personification of our machines.
Cars have become part of the modern family. Many would still call it stupid, but many of us have formed emotional attachments to our cars. They are such an important part of our world, it is only fitting that we project a little part of ourselves onto them. In a similar manner to our pets, we know we do not truly understand our cars. Like the coffee table we know they are but an inanimate object. Alas, we still treat them as one of our own.
If it is as ridiculous as many of you cynics would claim, then why is it such a widespread occurrence to name your own car and give them a personality? Psychologically, the car is a place of both familiarity and freedom; we devote a lot of time, money and love into maintaining our motor machines. There remains few other aspects of our lives that require such an attention and time scale. Saying goodbye to an old car has similar outbursts to that of seeing an old age relative for the final time, or waving goodbye to your children as they go off and start a new life away from the family home.
Such a phenomenon is not limited to those who enjoy the automotive world; the reaches of such an affliction can take hold of any of us. I have known friends who have little to no interest in cars, talk about cars using only their name as if they were a brother or sister. I believe that this is not something to judge, it is something to celebrate.
And as these words of mine draw to a close, I sit and wonder as to the fate of my own machine. For my lady has fallen ill, and it will take life saving surgery to bring her back to her once glorious self. I used to be full of skepticism when people would get so attached to their cars, but now I understand. The motoring world is becoming ever more engrained into the human sphere.
Is it only a matter of time before cars start developing their own personalities? Will there be a future where man fuses his consciousness with the machines?
Only time will tell.
Follow me on Twitter @lewisglynn69!
Keep Driving People!
Peace and Love!
Milestone: 500 Posts on Private Fleet's blog.
Winter is officially here, so now is a great time to check your tyres, for both age and depth of tread. Age as rubber does dry out and become brittle over time if not looked after and depth because it’s those grooves in your tyres that pump out the wet stuff when the roads get rained on. Lesser grooves means more water under the tyres which can lead to aquaplaning and a potential crash.
Private Fleet is here to help you get as best a deal as possible on a new car but we’re also here to provide information, buying tips and share information. That information, in various ways, is also shared via Private Fleet’s blog and THIS is the 500th blog article!
It’s a huge thanks to the team at Private Fleet for the effort they put in every day helping you buy a new car, but it’s also thanks to YOU, the buying public for staying with Private Fleet, letting your family and friends know what we do, telling us what a great job the wonderful team at Private Fleet have done to get you into your new wheels. Just as important is the thanks that go to the contributors to the blog since its inception; there’s been many a great article covering all aspects of the automotive and motorsports fields and, as a contributor, I’m proud to be part of the team.
Happy 500 blog articles, Private Fleet, here’s to many more!
Level 2, 9 Help Street