Weird Stuff
Book Review: Top Gear – How To Parachute Into A Moving Car
Title: Top Gear – How To Parachute Into A Moving Car
Author: Richard Porter
Publisher: BBC Books, 2013
ISBN: 978-1-849-90635-7
Very few of us are likely to get a bright shiny new car this Christmas. Although some of us might be living in hope… However, in the more realistic gift department, a car-related book might be in order. Possibly this offering from the Top Gear franchise might fit the bill either for you or for someone else you know who’s into motors (if it’s a present for you, tactfully leaving this page open when your nearest and dearest are about to go online might be good for dropping a hint).
The subtitle of Top Gear’s “How To Parachute Into A Moving Car” is “Vital survival tips for the modern man.” In spite of this subtitle, the book should give most recipients a chuckle, male or female. And you will get a chuckle. Although there are some bits of good motoring advice sprinkled throughout the text (e.g. how to do a handbrake turn) and some thought-provoking pieces (how to make a car for old people), the majority is a light hearted and slightly cynical look at driving today, especially driving in Britain. If you are (1) after a serious automotive book or (2) easily offended and drive an Audi, then you might want to browse another section of the shelves at your local bookshop. The “how hard can it be?” rating given to each entry provides good material for discussions, and the “how to find your petrol station stance” entry could easily be turned into a sort of game of bingo to keep the kids in the back seat amused when you’re taking a long time at the petrol station refuelling, checking the air pressure in the tyres, etc.
Understandably, the book contains numerous references to the TV show itself (well, what do you expect from something published by BBC Books?). If you have seen the episode in question, the commentary will bring back amusing memories. If you haven’t, it will pique your curiosity and make you want to see it (in my case, this was the one about playing rugby with cars). Sometimes, if you haven’t seen the show, the references are a little puzzling and tedious, but on the whole, the book is enjoyable all the same.
The tips and “advice” given don’t just confine themselves to car-related topics and wry comments about the three presenters (e.g. “How to dress like James May: Find a charity shop that hasn’t had any new donations since 1976. Buy all their clothes off them.”). You will find other topics related to life in general sprinkled in there, such as “how to feel like a hero when using the microwave oven” and “how to buy trousers”.
And as for the advice about parachuting into a moving car? First of all, watch this clip of the actual episode:
For the next part of the instructions, you’ll have to read the book yourself.
Happy driving,
Megan
More Ideas For Cooking On Your Car Engine
OK, so in my last post, I mentioned how one goes about harnessing the waste heat from your car engine to cook your dinner. While just mentioning the how-tos is enough for some cooks, other folk might need more than just a bit of inspiration. Some people prefer to have it down in black in white in front of them. So, without further ado, here are a handful of recipes for cooking on your car engine. Just don’t forget the golden rules of wrapping everything very thoroughly in tinfoil and making sure that the wire you use to strap your tinfoil packets in place on your engine block doesn’t interfere with any moving parts.
I haven’t given cooking times in these recipes, as individual results will depend on (a) your car engine, (b) how fast you’re driving and (c) how hot a day it is.
Veggie roast-up
Chop pieces of suitable veggies into chunks about 4 cm x 4 cm by 10 cm (but there’s no need to be too precise. Toss in a wee bit of cooking oil then sprinkle with salt and maybe a few herbs (rosemary, oregano or thyme) before wrapping in the tinfoil. Suitable veggies include pumpkin, parsnip, beetroot, onion, potato, sweet potato, swede, zucchini and carrot. You can put them in separate packets if you have too many to fit in a pack that stays together.
Long-haul pot roast
This requires a drive of 200+ km, so try this one next time you’re driving interstate. Take a decent chunk of meat (1 kg or more): beef, pork or mutton. In an ice cream container or something else that will fit your meat, combine 1 cup red wine, 2 cloves crushed garlic, a couple of sprigs of rosemary plus salt and pepper to taste. Dunk the meat in the mixture and roll it about until the meat is coated. Cover the container and leave it in the fridge overnight. Before you set off, take the meat out of the marinade and wrap it up in the tinfoil. Discard the marinade. Halfway through your drive, stop and flip the packet of meat over so it cooks evenly.
Chicken wings a la Porsche Cayenne
Get about half a dozen chicken wings and coat them lightly in oil (not too much or you risk it dripping out of the tinfoil and starting a fire that will be really hard to explain to the insurance company). Mix up a bit of cayenne pepper (or chilli powder), dried oregano, chopped garlic and salt, plus enough paprika to get enough to coat the wings. You can also use pre-prepared seasoning mixes from your local supermarket if you want to try a different flavour. Wrap up the wings, either individually or as a packet.
Baked apples
Got to have dessert in there somewhere! Use large, firm apples (e.g. Granny Smith). Remove the core so there’s a hollow down the middle of the apple. Combine sultanas, cinnamon and sugar. Stuff the hollow with the cinnamon, sugar and sultana mix. Wrap up really well individually in the foil. This also works with other firm pipfruit such as pears and quinces.
Chocolate bananas
This BBQ favourite works best for short journeys. Leave the bananas in the skin and cut a slit in them lengthwise. Insert chocolate chips or chunks of chocolate. Possibly slip in a few marshmallows. Wrap firmly.
Dashboard Pain au Chocolat
This doesn’t involve the engine but is too good to leave out. We all know that chocolate melts if left on the dashboard in the hot sun, so make the most of it. Get some plain croissants from the bakery and heaps of dark chocolate. Chop up or grate the chocolate and add it liberally to the croissants. Wrap in clingfilm, baking paper or foil. Place on dashboard of the car and wait until the chocolate melts.
Happy driving (and cooking!)
Megan
Book Review: “History’s Greatest Automotive Mysteries, Myths and Rumours Revealed”
In my blogs over the last few weeks, I’ve been drawing inspiration from a fantastic book picked up by chance from the local library: History’s Greatest Automotive Mysteries, Myths and Rumours Revealed by Preston Lerner and Matt Stone. It’s such a fun read and is bound to be interesting to most visitors to Private Fleet, so I thought I’d better let you all know about it so you can read it for yourselves.
The book takes a look at some of the most popular stories circulating in the automotive world, then takes a long hard look at whether the stories are true or not. The authors have done their homework pretty thoroughly, it seems, almost like the Mythbusters but in print.
The book is divided into six sections: Urban Legends, Crime, Racing, Hollywood, Death and Inside the Industry, with the various popular stories to be investigated being slotted neatly into one of these categories. This structure makes it very easy to pick up and put down, and you can dip into it wherever you fancy. As well as the main stories, the authors have included boxes with little extras and tangents – such as the development of the Batmobile for the 1960s TV series, which is included in the chapter about Model Ts coming in “any colour as long as it’s black” in a box entitled “Born To Be Painted Black”.
What are some of the stories that they investigate in this book? Here’s a smattering to give you the idea:
- The Darwin Award-winning Chevrolet Impala fitted with JATO rockets that crashed into a cliff in Arizona at 350 mph, 125 feet in the air – did this really happen?
- The Hyundai driven by Rodney King when he was beaten up by the LAPD goons, triggering the Los Angeles riots in 1991 – was he really speeding at 115 mph?
- Did Bonnie and Clyde send a letter to the Ford Motor Company thanking them for making the perfect getaway car?
- Would the notorious Ford Pinto been capable of flying if it had wings fitted? Yes, that’s flying with an L not frying – what the Ford Pinto became better known for.
- Is there a conspiracy involving the US Government, Big Oil and motor companies to supress the development of the electric car, as popularised by a documentary released in 2006? (Drivers of the Nissan Leaf and the Mitsubishi i-MiEV know the answer to this question)
- Did the people who bought bits of the Porsche 550 Spyder that James Dean was driving when he crashed experience chronic bad luck and disaster, suggesting that the car was cursed?
- Did Steve McQueen drive all of his own automotive stunts in the iconic car chase scene in the 1968 thriller movie Bullitt?
- Who really won the very first Indy 500 race? Was it actually Ray Harroun (who is credited with the win) or was it Ralph Mulford?
- Has a monkey called Jocko Flocko won as many NASCAR Grand National races as Mario Andretti?
And if you add wings, can it fly?
And the answers to all of these questions? Well, for that, you’re going to have to read the book yourself.
Title: History’s Greatest Automotive Mysteries, Myths and Rumours Revealed
Authors: Preston Lerner and Matt Stone
Published: 2012 by Motorbooks
ISBN-13: 978-0-7603-4260-2
Hardcover, Kindle ebook available. http://www.amazon.com/Historys-Greatest-Automotive-Mysteries-Revealed/dp/0760342601/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1400449989&sr=8-1&keywords=History%E2%80%99s+Greatest+Automotive+Mysteries%2C+Myths+and+Rumours+Revealed
Disclaimer: The writer and Private Fleet are not associated in any way with the authors or publishers of this book.
The Dale Debacle
About 40 years ago, the automotive world was struggling with the oil embargo imposed by the oil-producing Arab nations. People were turning away from the gas-guzzling muscle cars and looking for thriftier models. This was the economic and social climate that really helped the Mini take off and catch public imagination. But it also made people vulnerable to scams like the Dale debacle.
In 1974, newspapers and magazines were carrying articles (all based on press releases) featuring the “car of the future”: the Dale. The Dale was promoted very, very aggressively by someone called Liz Carmichael, who the press releases said was a widowed mother of five who planned on taking on the patriarchal automotive industry (this was the era of rampant feminism and burning one’s bra). The Dale itself looked sleek and space-age and got people drooling – although the single rear wheel behind the two front ones looks downright weird today. It claimed to be able to do 70 mpg (3.36 litres per 100 km), have a top speed of 85 miles per hour (136.8 km/h) and to cost only US$1995. It was supposed to be built of super-tough materials that would withstand crashes and were nearly bulletproof.
The reality turned out to be somewhat different. At first, the manufacturer of the Dale, Mr Dale Clifft, had actually been trying to create a more fuel-efficient vehicle, which he originally intended to be a sort of motorcycle. Then he met Liz Carmichael, who made Clifft an offer he couldn’t refuse. She started an impressive marketing campaign, putting out plenty of glossy and hyped-up brochures and sending press release after press release to the papers to drum up interest in the new Dale. The Dale looked impressive and sounded like the answer to everybody’s motoring problems (well, nearly everybody’s).
Along with all the pre-release hoopla, there was also an invitation to invest in the company and buy shares in it. The money started rolling in for Carmichael and Clifft in the form of shares and early orders. Expectations were high on the part of the investors, the motor trade industry and motoring enthusiasts in general. A mock-up prototype of the exterior design was put on display at the Los Angeles Motor show.
An automotive journalist named Mike Salisbury decided to find out more about this wonder car for Car and Driver magazine. He found a bright yellow vehicle looking like the one in the press releases standing proudly on one corner with guys in geek glasses standing around with clipboards looking as though they were oohing and aahing over it. However, Salisbury quickly spotted that this impressive shell had no accelerator pedal or steering wheel. A sneak peek under the bonnet revealed a lawnmower engine. A quick conversation with Liz Carmichael hinted that there was something funny about her as well as the car. A suggestion that the glossy, attractive exterior didn’t match the interior works…
Naturally, after the revelations that the Dale was an utter fraud, the cops started closing in. They descended on the home that Carmichael was thought to have shared with her five children. What they found was an empty home, a bunch of wigs, heavily padded bras, depilatories and a fingerprint that proved that Geraldine Elizabeth Carmichael was actually Jerry Dean Michael, a convicted criminal who had been on the run in drag for at least ten years. The glamorous woman turned out to be more than just metaphorically ballsy.
After a scandalous trial where Liz/Jerry tried to represent him/herself in court as being a pioneer like Henry Ford (with the small difference that Henry Ford actually had a car that worked rather than just an impressive shell). He/she skipped bail and went on the run again before finally being caught in the 1980s.
And what happened to the Dale? The three mock-ups, which were little more than shells, now live in collections and museums in California. They are not exactly given feature spots.
Level 2, 9 Help Street