Cheesy Car Accessories

September 15th, 2023

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I don’t know what it is about cars, but we tend to have much more of a personal relationship with them than we do with any other machine or gadget we own. For example, very few people give their lawnmowers nicknames (although I have met someone who named their heavy-duty rotovator Brutus). You don’t see many people putting bumper stickers on weed-whackers or polishing chainsaws. Motorbikes and boats get similar treatment, so my pet theory is that deep down, we think of cars and other forms of transport as a sort of mechanical horse or a type of animal, and we treat it accordingly (this also explains why the rotovator got named Brutus: it was big enough to fit into the mental category of “beast of burden”).

Anyway, because we have such a personal transport with our wheels, we like to personalize them a bit. And sometimes, some of the ways that we do it can be a bit on the cheesy side. I’m not talking about bumper stickers – although they can get pretty cheesy as well – or about bodykit.  Some accessories get very cheesy indeed.  Here’s a handful of some of the best (in terms of cheesiness, that is!).

#1. Eyelashes

Yes, we all know that certain small cars have cute little round headlights that look like eyes. The company Car Lashes has given you the chance to put eyelashes on them, making your cute little car look even cuter. You get the choice of black, pink and iridescent, and they fit on all models. The website (https://carlashes.com/) has some other examples of automotive bling, mostly of the very girly type.

#2. Truck Nuts

If eyelashes are girly, these definitely aren’t.  Truck nuts or “truck nutz” are fake testicles hung from the rear of a car.  They’re definitely controversial, with some parts of the USA banning them altogether as obscene.  Personally, I think they look a bit eerie, especially the really lifelike ones, as they look like the result of a really, really nasty accident.  The original maker was Bulls Balls, and they have a range in less lifelike colours (have a look at https://bullsballs.com/ if you must).

#3. Dinky Exhaust Tips

Most modern cars tend to hide the tailpipes away; in the case of EVs, of course, tailpipes are non-existent. Some customized exhaust pipes are there to alter the sound, but others are added on just for the looks. A quick browse revealed iridescent ones, heart-shaped tips and Hello Kitty exhaust tips (the image below is from https://kawaiigarage.co/).

#4. Tyre Valve Caps

These aren’t as in-your-face as other cheese accessories, but they are still very cheesy.  If you want to liven up the task of rotating the tyres or checking the pressure, then this can be done with valve caps. These come from simple coloured ones (which are more tasteful than cheesy) through to glow in the dark skulls, pretty pink blossoms, dice, crowns, rhinestones, beer cans, bullets…

(this one’s from Amazon )

#5 Vroominators

If you’ve never come across the word “vroominator” before (I hadn’t), this is a gadget that you can plug into the 12-volt outlet of your car so that it sounds like you are driving a nice throaty V8. It takes cues from the alternator, so it makes the right sort of rumble or roar at the right time (and it doesn’t work on EVs). It can only be heard on the inside of the vehicle.

#6 Shift Knobs (And Covers).

Not all shift knobs are cheesy.  Some are quite tasteful.  Others… aren’t.  Along the same line, covers for shift knobs stop crumbs and other gunk getting down into the mechanism of the gear changes. Again, these can be tasteful or very tacky. I’ve spared you the rude ones but they exist…

Knob from https://www.hotrodshiftknob.com/

Katana cover from Amazon